


His Majesty's Dog

by NanakiBH



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Confessions, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-08
Updated: 2008-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would Suzaku think about that kiss with Kallen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Majesty's Dog

Suzaku liked to imagine that he had a new sort of understanding of Lelouch. After spending more time with him, time he wouldn't have expected them to share only a short while ago, he began to recognize the intricacy of Lelouch's personality. He'd never seen someone with such complex thoughts and feelings. In a way, it gave him some insight into what sort of person he had been facing when he knew him as the leader Zero.

Or perhaps Lelouch was just that easy to read. But Suzaku would rather think he had him figured out, like a sophisticated game of chess that only a master would be able to win.

This look he had on his face; it was the pensive one, the one that meant he was thinking deeply on something that troubled him. Never mind Nunally. Never mind Schneizel. He'd already spent the night pacing from one corner of the room to the next rambling near endlessly about the impossibility of it all. He'd spent himself crying and throwing things, collapsing eventually by the windowsill once his own thoughts reached a brick wall. He lay still for a while until he picked himself up rather awkwardly and climbed onto his bed.

Suzaku watched it all, memorized every anguished sob and cry, accepted every punch thrown at him yet directed to someone far away. He stayed because he wanted to make sure Lelouch didn't hurt himself. That's what he told C.C., at least.

Now, as Lelouch rested back against the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest, it seemed as if his thoughts had shifted entirely. There _were_ other things to think of, after all. It wasn't just his own sister he had to worry about anymore. There was Kaguya and the Black Knights to worry about too.

But this look...

“What's on your mind?”

His voice sounded too loud, too harsh when the room was this quiet. It didn't feel right either, asking his emperor something so personal. Things weren't the same anymore – he felt like he could only speak when spoken to or that all of his sentences had to be comprised of a terse “yes, your majesty”.

Where had his friend gone.

Lelouch sighed; a ragged, soulless sound. He placed his chin atop his knees and looked up, his eyes unfocused and glistening with tears that refused to fall.

He parted his lips slightly and immediately looked away, eyebrows knitting to a point. The words that tried to escape him were trapped behind his teeth, locked somewhere inside. He closed his eyes and gripped his ungloved fingers in the white fabric of his pant legs.

This was definitely different, although Suzaku couldn't place his finger on _why_. Lelouch hadn't avoided taking out all his anger and sadness about his family, yet there was something he was trying to stay away from.

What more could he do than stand by silently and watch Lelouch as he tore himself apart from the inside out? Watching him like this was the most painful thing he'd ever experienced. If there was only something he could do to help...

As he opened his mouth to excuse himself, Lelouch finally spoke, eyes hidden behind ebony locks.

“Kallen kissed me.”

Suzaku's breath caught in his throat.

He didn't know why.

He knew why.

He shoved any stray thoughts back under the rug. He didn't have the right to be surprised, curious, or even... even jealous. It wasn't his place.

“Yeah,” he replied, more of a statement than a question. His fist curled unconsciously at his side.

Lelouch sucked in another breath, relaxing a little, letting his arms slide down to the clean Egyptian cotton. He hesitated before dragging the back of his hand across his cheek, wiping away any stray tears. As soon as he burst into his room, he had stripped himself of the annoying white vestments so his arms were bare now; lanky and awkward-looking, not quite adult. He looked helpless now, Suzaku noted, similar to the way he looked when they were younger. There was none of that fire he had as Zero or as the emperor of Britannia.

“I didn't kiss her back,” he said simply, voice distant, still thoughtful. “I just let her go and now I'm wondering if I did the right thing.”

Like the obedient knight, Suzaku kept his silence.

“What do you think?”

A lot of things flooded into Suzaku's mind at that instant but above all was, _“Why is he asking me?”_ He certainly didn't want to answer honestly. He couldn't say he was very fond of Kallen, as he had become personally acquainted with her fists, but he also had begun to view her as a competitor.

“I haven't been in a position like that, sorry,” he lied, bowing his head respectfully. “She's with the Black Knights. I'm sure you realize this, so what are you undecided about?”

“I'm not sure I'm in love with her.” His response surprised Suzaku enough to make him look up. It was odd, hearing Lelouch to speak openly about something like this. “Even if you... haven't been in this kind of situation, I've been in a situation like this before. Fighting someone from the other side... wanting to be with them at the same time... It must hurt her a lot.”

Suzaku's eyes narrowed. It was an understatement to say that Lelouch wasn't making sense.

“What do you–”

“I love you.”

It was sudden. It was simple. It scared Suzaku half to death just hearing it.

“Lelouch, I...”

He shook his head, visage hidden once again by dark fringe. “I just wanted to tell you. I respect Kallen like no one else. If she had the courage to tell me, then I thought I owed it to her to finally tell you.”

It was an odd feeling. Hearing something like that. The world stopped for a moment, its actors froze, and the spotlight shone only on him as he reflected inwardly on what he just heard. It was his chance for a soliloquy, for his great one-liner, for him to sweep the damsel off his feet – anything. Yet he stood in dumb surprise, blinking once. Twice.

“Really?” he asked stupidly. “I thought you were worried about Schneizel and your sister this whole time. You were just thinking about me?”

It was Lelouch's turn to blink. After a brief moment of silence he burst out into a beautiful peel of laughter, like sweet honey to Suzaku's ears. “Of course not. There are bigger things to worry about than your sorry ass. Wouldn't it be a shame to worry about you at the same time, though?”

Suzaku smiled lightly. “You have enough on your mind, I think.” Slowly, he stepped across the room, brushing his hair out of his eyes. His sharp boots sounded softly against the carpeting as he approached. Lelouch looked apprehensive but seemed to know what to expect, inclining his head upward as Suzaku leaned down.

There lips met in an unspokenly comfortable sort of way, Lelouch searching for Suzaku's hand to grasp as he leaned in. His head throbbed with tears that still wouldn't fall, his mouth felt dry, and he sure as hell knew terrible things would be waiting for him bright and early the next morning, but right then, with his lips pressed firmly against Suzaku's, he found it difficult to care.


End file.
